The Ordeal

I was shocked when I heard that I am positive. From my researches in high school and college, I figured that I already have AIDS which was later on confirmed by my low CD4 count.  But still there are hints of hope because for one, I got better in the hospital which according to my doctor that I was lucky to even have reached the hospital because of my condition. Second, all my body organs and systems are intact. Third, and the most important I have a strong family support from Tag and our families and we can afford these hospitalizations.

Aside from the costs and frequent visitations to hospitals, one ordeal is our peace of mind. Good thing me and Tag can talk about anything and our regrets why this had happened. We could have known it early, if I could have had the yearly HIV test. Oh well, whats done is done and what we can do now is just look ahead. Right now, I'm still not crying. I just want to get well and work again.

I told my sisters that I have the disease when I was in the hospital They said that they accepted it but everytime I would text them, they would resort to preaching about their religion. They haven't even visited me since I was in the hospital. My brother is around but I still have not heard anything from him. I guess they don't know the severity of my condition. I guess everybody's busy.

What's hard is the frequent questioning from our friends, coworkers of Tag and my clients in the my workplace. We just gave them vague replies to their queries regarding me. I'm just sick, that's what we say. We told only a few friends but it's hard to reveal to people because we don't know their level of understanding when it comes to this disease. I don't want to be stigmatized. I told Tag that later on once my body's immune system goes to a safe level, I would come out and tell people about my ordeal. I want to be a resource person and I want people to look up to me as a fighter. But for now, I am still at the end of the tunnel so I just need to focus on getting well.

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