I met “Star” in twitter. He was a blogger too like me. I read about his stories, his “happy times”, his HIV status. He was a part of the twitter community of HIV positives and I had lots of opportunities of chatting with him online. Most of the time he would chat about anything, men, flirting, his friends all over the world and his mom. He would tweet about his illnesses, his dreams and ambitions, his crushes and everything that a guy his age would talk about. We exchanged numbers but it seemed that our level of interests were different so we never really bonded. We basically would just greet each other and would check on each other’s day to day activities.
I directly messaged him one time when he said that he felt like he had a stroke. On twitter he said that he had seizure attacks and he didn’t know what to do. I immediately messaged him and I called him fast to talk to him about his health condition. I told him that he needed to go to RITM first thing in the morning. He said he would. I told him that I might also be there as I would be assisting a friend with his donations to The Love Fund.
The following day, I completely have forgotten Star and was just shocked when while I was talking to Ate Ellen in RITM-ARG, somebody called me. “Pozzie!”, I looked at him questioning and he said “I’m Star”. He was a slim guy, fair skinned, short in stature, around 5’6 in height and with marks of rashes on his arms and neck. I was a bit busy with Dr. Ditangco for The Love Fund donations that I told Star that I will talk to him in a few minutes.
I went back to Star when he was already sitting on the couch in the reception area of RITM-ARG with his mom. I first talked to him and he told me that he was waiting for his consultation with the doctor. I told him that he needed to fight back and regain his strength back by eating and by resting. I then talked to his mom and she said that he was hardheaded and was not following whatever she told him to do. I told the mom that I was like Star, hardheaded too so she just needed to understand him. I turned to Star and told him that his mom meant him well so be a good boy and follow her. I then called Letlet, one of the nurses there to assist them with PCSO and The Love Fund as the mom said that they already have financial issues. Before leaving them in the clinic, I gave my calling card to his mom to call me in case that she had questions about our disease. I then bid them goodbye.
From that time on, Star kept on calling and texting me for help. First, he was thinking that he had meningitis and CMV Retinitis. I advised him to go back to RITM-ARG for consultation again. I contacted Maram and Letlet to assist him once again. Later that day, he said that he was in another hospital as he was having a CMV test and unfortunately the result won’t be out that day. I told him to be patient. He however was becoming restless and insisted that he needed to go back to RITM-ARG. From that time on, he started to become manipulative, telling me to ask the staff to admit him in the hospital, telling me to text Dr. Ditangco that there were no vacancies in the hospital and that he can’t wait any longer and that he needed immediate treatment. I somehow did what he requested however the staff can’t do anything about it. Dr. Ditangco even said that if he needed to be admitted then she can refer him to another hospital since there were no available rooms in RITM. There was a day that another pozzie called me and he told me that Star had been screaming and creating a commotion in the reception area of RITM-ARG. I can’t do anything anymore. Star then texted me that the doctor said that he needed to see a psychiatrist. I never made a single comment.
Days passed and everybody started to be bothered by Star over the twitter community. I would read about his tweets showing his delusions of grandeur. He started to argue with other pozzies. I was somehow taken aback. I didn’t know what to do anymore.
Then everything stopped. His tweets. His text messages.
That was exactly a month ago.
Yesterday, at exactly 2:34pm, Maram of RITM-ARG called me and told me that Star passed away. I was shocked and called Maram again and asked her everything. Was she sure that it was Star? The one that I assisted in RITM-ARG? The thin guy with marks of rashes on his arms and neck? The guy who was with his mom who I talked to when I was there? She confirmed it. When I hung up, my body become numb and hot. I felt the effect of efavirenz all over my body as I began to think of what happened to him.
I messaged my partner Tag, and I asked him if he can get off work and come with me to see Star in RITM. I felt I had to know. I felt I had a responsibility to see either him or his mom. Tag, without even thinking, came home to pick me up.
By 3:30pm we were on the road. I texted Maram that we were on our way there and asked if it was possible to see his mom. She replied and gave the number of Star’s mom to me. We arrived at RITM-ARG at 4:15pm and Let, Maram, Ate Beth and Marvin greeted me. They told me everything. Then I called Star’s mom who was in the lobby of the main hospital waiting for the funeral services to arrive. Marvin volunteered to take me to her.
In the lobby, I saw a short woman wearing a violet blouse and dark pants. Marvin said it was Star’s mom. Then I recognized her face and I felt heaviness in my heart, confirming everything. I approached her and introduced myself. She immediately recognized me. I immediately hugged her and she started to sob on my shoulder. I felt her entire body shudder and falling into my arms. I felt the heaviness in her soul as I told her my condolences.
She started talking and told me everything. I stood there composed and strong for her, assuring that everything will be alright to a grieving mom. Tears flowed naturally on her face as she was telling me of all the good things about Star, that he was a good son and sibling, that he had a good plan for his future. I stood there feeling all her love for her son.
I told her that I came in behalf of the his twitter family. I told her that Star had friends in the twitter community and I offered any assistance if her family needed something. She thanked me with all her heart. I told her that Star is in a better place now. Somehow I saw a tinge of smile on her face before she started balling again.
I left RITM-ARG with a heavy heart. A lot things came to my mind. I was asking myself if I could have done more for him, then maybe he could not have reached this demise. Tag calmed me down and told me that I can’t do everything for him and that we should just pray that he may rest in peace now. I agreed with him.
The twitter world heard the news however, most didn’t know how he died. A lot of people texted me but I told all of them that his soul is at rest now and we should just think of all the happy memories we had with Star when he was alive. I still stayed strong for other pozzies who became depressed because of the event that happened during that one afternoon. Everybody then turned and stayed positive. Love was everywhere... asking for prayers, asking for donations, asking for strength and positivities in the community. I, somehow, was gladdened by the impact on the community and I told myself that Star didn’t die in vain.
That night as I laid myself to bed, when my body started to relax, I started to cry.
Life is fleeting. We should strive hard to enjoy life. Even with our illness we should appreciate life and fight and overcome all obstacles.
Now, Star is back on the dark sky with the multitudes of stars around him. He is once again glittering. He, once again, is happy. He is at peace and is back in the arms of the Creator. He is looking at us and once more, he is smiling.
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