Hello! I’m XXX, and I chanced upon your blog while browsing through the net. I, too, am positive – HIV-1 stage 4. I'm the one who commented about the latest makati med fees and the tetanus toxoid vaccination.
Normally, I am nonchalant about it and I take it quite lightly unlike most people who are in the same predicament. After reading your blog though, I thought, why not send this person an email? Perhaps we could compare notes. So here goes....
I'm 31 and I'm a single gay man.
I learned about being positive in August 25, 2011; a week before you learned about yours. I took the screening after seeing a documentary about it, which featured a guy I slept with in DC around 8 years ago who was a health coordinator for US protectorates in Asia-Pacific. Apparently, he was already positive back then, and was actually an HIV/AIDS advocate. I didn’t know; he didn’t tell me. Although, from what I vaguely remember, I think we used rubber because I’m very much particular about it whenever I travel outside the Philippines; and I really think that I got infected here in our country. So I am certainly not blaming it on him; I can’t really be sure anyway. Besides, there is definitely no point in dwelling on who infected me with the virus, or when, where and how I most likely contracted it. what’s important is what needs to be done to survive, and how to live my life to the fullest.
When I first learned about it, my initial reaction was to rationalize. It is, after all, my main coping mechanism. I thought, I know I've enjoyed my life anyway so there is no point in moping. Besides, I was well-informed about it; and against my better judgment, I still took the risks. So in a way, I kinda wanted this for myself, and my promiscuous actions were like calling for it.
I informed a few of my dear friends, and they have been supportive since then. There is a confirmatory test anyway; and according to my best bud who happens to be a physician, there is this slim chance that it would turn out negative. So my friends’ hopes were high for me.
I skipped denial, anger and bargaining in the stages of grief. I jumped to depression instead; although, it was only about a week long. I quickly moved on to acceptance but i was also a bit hopeful (of course) that the confirmatory test would show otherwise. If it's indeed positive, then fine by me; but if it turns out negative, well then lovely! It's better to have already accepted it than to still be wallowing in melancholy when i see the actual confirmatory test results. Besides, life goes on, and it shouldn't hamper me from living my life to the fullest.
I got the confirmatory test results after a couple of weeks of procrastination in October 3, and it showed that I am indeed positive.
When I saw it, I had resigned to myself that this is truly my fate. Like I always say, c'est la vie! After all, it is the perfect closing scene for a drama queen like me. hehehe!
At this point, I still hadn't cried. I am not the type who cries anyway. although, I was again depressed and at times, a bit dazed.
I told a few more close friends about it. I would spill it over the phone, via chat or through private messages – point-blank . I guess all the emotions built up inside me so when I first had to do it vis-à-vis, I cried.
I wanted things to be über discreet so I was searching for something like a back alley clinic but to no avail. I am extremely lazy. I procrastinate a lot. I tend to self-medicate. I let my body take its due course and heal itself. I’ve always had a strong immune system anyway. Wait, isn't that the main problem? I now lack the immune system! Needless to say, it took me months before I decided to seek professional help.
After around 6 months of weighing my options, I decided to finally get a consult because I started feeling weaker and weaker, and getting more and more waiflike. On february 25, 2012, I ended up with Dr. Tarcela Gler (who is still my ID physician) at Makati Med Center, and finally took the series of tests.
Around 3 weeks after my first consult, I got confined due to acute diverticulitis. Apparently, it was caused by MAC (mycobacterium avium complex) infection brought about by my extremely low CD4 count - 45! (or was it 54? I forgot na. Even my viral load, I don’t know na; but I think it was around 350,000. I’ll just ask about them again on my next consultation, and will list them down na talaga.) Good thing the inflammation of my sigmoid colon subsided through medication; otherwise, they would've cut a portion of it!
At the same time, they found out that i also had pulmonary tuberculosis and early onset of atypical pneumonia. Just imagine how every cough aggravated the pain in my tummy. The pneumonia was treated with bactrim and fortunately, it did not progress. On the other hand, I had to take fixcom 4 and then eventually fixcom 2 as medication for the PTB. it was 6 months treatment!
When i was confined in the hospital, I took the opportunity to reveal my condition with my mom and my brother who primarily couldn’t fathom how this could’ve happened to me but eventually just accepted it because they can’t do anything about it anyway.
Apart from these, I have also had the following in the past year and a half: mouth sores, oral and esophageal thrush (I had this twice and each time, i was prescribed with diflucan, which is über expensive!), chronic diarrhea, rashes, prurigo nodularis and acneiform eruptions – all are common complications of HIV/AIDS.
I started taking first line ARVs on March 28. For NRTI, I was originally given combivir but now my supplies are avocomb – both are combination of lamivudine and zidovudine. Then there’s efavirenz for NNRTI. Side effects? Nothing major. I think I just had a slight fever for a day or two when I started. So far though, I think they're working well because my appetite is back; I have regained weight and I feel stronger. According to my physician best bud, I look clinically well now.
A month after my confinement, I was already back to travelling; and another month after, I was back at work. I was off work for only 2 months.
My shots are: influenza, HBVC, pneumococcal and tetanus toxoid. I plan to have meningococcal shot next, and will ask about HPV.
I took my second CD4 and viral load tests last December 10. I haven't seen the results yet; but I do hope that the numbers are far better now.
It has been 494 days since I received the initial screening results. so far, i have only cried 5 times.
And there goes my story… if you feel like posting this on your blog, you may freely do so. Just don’t indicate my nickname; do your usual “XXX”.
Hope to hear from you.
XXX
POZZIEPINOY’S RESPONSE
Hi XXX.
Thank you for having the courage to share us your story and allowing me to post it here in the blog. I know a lot of people will learn from your experience.
I can really relate with story. Like you, I was down with an opportunistic infection. Like you, my CD4 was low. Like you, I was also depressed. And like you, I also took the steps in getting myself treated and right now living my life to the fullest.
Living with HIV/AIDS is really tough in the beginning, from the acceptance that you are HIV positive and undergoing all the lab tests, to getting all treatment. It was draining, emotionally and financially at first but then afterwards, when your body is starting to recover, life seems to take it's course for the better.
However, even with our ARV's that keep the virus "tamed", we still need continue to do our part: follow all our doctors, take our medicines as prescribed and stay as healthy as possible. It is only by being responsible can we say that we have overcome all the struggles of having the virus.
Once again, thank you for your email and I wish others can share their stories too so the readers will feel that they really are not alone with their struggle with HIV
Stay healthy,
Pozziepinoy
"WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER.
NO PLHIV is alone with his or her struggle with HIV!"
-Pozziepinoy-
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Tags: HIV Manila, HIV Philippines, AIDS Manila, AIDS Philippines, HIV/AIDS Manila, HIV/AIDS Philippines