Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Email 242: Back-to-Back Emails from Cebu

EMAIL 1

 Good Day!

 Reading your blog is really empowering especially to newly infected individuals like me.  To make the story short, I was sick last October and diagnosed with Proctocolitis - an inflammation in the intestines.  I had fever for five days and I need to rush myself to the hospital.

I never thought of HIV on the first few days of my stay there and on the third day, the doctor told me that I had signs of the infection and that I should take the test. I mentioned my gender on the night I admitted myself to the ER and I think that was one of the reason why I was advised about the test.

So they took blood samples from me and I never had any idea as to what the result will be since it takes a month for the test to be concluded and that they said "it was forwarded to Manila.". Things went well the same way as if I was normal and to make it really even normal, I had a test at City Health here in Cebu since I am working here in a BPO and I got a non reactive result but I am still on the window period and the lady said that I should be back by March since I had my last "unsafe" encounter last September 2012.

I didn't retrieve the result from the hospital because I know for the fact that I was negative and I still did not understand the word "window period".  Just last month, a colleague got hospitalized due to community acquired pneumonia so I visited him and I took the opportunity to retrieve the result.

I was shaking when I opened the letter because the first two results showed REACTIVE for HIVAgB Test, I really couldn't remember the exact term I might be typing it incorrectly right now. I panicked to the point of my friend asking me what's wrong.

I asked myself, how can that be possible when my second test turned out Non Reactive?  So, to make things clear, I went back to the City Health office and had another test and lo and behold, there, it turned out to be reactive already and I didn't wait for March.

I was so down at that moment even until now. I can't believe the fact that I am infected with the disease, however, I am still hoping that the confirmatory test will turn out negative but according to the person-in-charge of the City Health here in Cebu, most of the confirmatory tests forwarded are always POSITIVE.  So, I had a little hope of getting a negative result.

Now, I have so many questions in my mind as to what is going to be my next move, I have support groups who never failed to help me emotionally.  They too have gone through on what I am going through and with the help of your blog, understanding HIV makes it even better.

I wake up each day so tired, tired of being aware that I will soon contract an infection and that people won't know my real condition.  I  laugh, I joke around but its not the same me.  Sometimes, I just go quiet in the corner and joke about dying.  I am hopeless, I cried many times and have thoughts of killing myself.

I know this is God's plan for me. He never forsakes His son but I hope it won't be too late.  This is my fault and I should pay for my mistakes.  Pozzie, keep me posted on your blog, I'd love to read more of your followers, how they went through the stress and sickness.

I am so desperate, having thoughts of death already, though my confirmatory test will be released come February 28. I will have my CD4 count by February 22 and I hope its never too late for me.  Please, I need your help.

Thank you and more power.  We are all in this together.
Hi Pozzie,
EMAIL 2

 Good Day!

 I've sent you emails already about my experience as a newly infected person with HIV, right now I have no idea as to what happens next though, there are support groups here in Cebu who put my mind at where it should be, in other words, they gave me peace in a way that I can handle.

 They always tell me about thinking the good things in life and having this disease is nothing to be worried about. I want to take part of the battle, I want to help people but right now, I extremely need help.  I am a teacher by profession but currently working in a BPO here in Cebu. I was diagnosed reactive last February 4 awaiting for the Confirmatory Result by February 28.  I think I am not the only person from Cebu who read your blog, I may just be a few out of thousands or hundreds to say the least.  The mysterious part of HIV is that, most infected individuals are educated like us, that we think its not gonna affect us in ways we think are correct but here I am, infected, waiting for the final results.

 I have a friend whose brother died of AIDS a year ago, and that friend even told me and warned me about the disease, it wasn't too long when he warned me, it was just September of last year and then I got tested positive just early this year.  What really embarrasses me is that I never failed to warn my gay friends about playing safely and all the precautionary measures.

 I understand the complexity of HIV and right now, I want to make a difference, that in my own little way, I will be able to impart my little knowledge about the disease, how I went through with the early diagnosis and how Cebu Plus encouraged me to tell others about this.

 Right now, I can see my horizon as dim as any rain clouds can be imagined, I have no idea whether or not I need to tell my mom about this, I am the breadwinner in the family and my younger brother is planning to go to Dubai.  I am afraid I will not be able to help him because I will surely need more help then him.  Right now, my condition is normal, I feel not sick, I don't have cough or whatever but I felt a bit sick in my mind.

 I am getting paranoid with HIV, to the point of cleaning everything.  I hope this email will be read by fellow pozzies here in Cebu too, so that they will be aware that we are all in this together. I know there is more to life than just HIV, we will survive, YES we can!


POZZIEPINOY’S RESPONSE


Hi.

Thank you for your two emails. Thank you for reading my blog. I really wish that you can find answers to your question here. I hope that the stories of other PLHIV can encourage you and give you strength to you new life journey.

It is true that it is hard to accept our disease in the beginning. A lot of things come to our minds. Questions will flood in, like "what will happen to me? who should I tell? Will I die? Will the treatment be expensive? what will happen to my dreams? what will be my next steps."

You are lucky that you found Cebu Plus. You are blessed that you already have a support group that enlightens you and gives you valuable information, and provides you with all the encouragement that you need. I am sure that right now, things are getting clearer as to your next steps. Like what your support group has told you, stay positive and stay focused. As long as you will follow the steps of treatment, you will live a long life and you will still fulfill all your dreams.

 Keep on reading the blog. I know that it is not only a resource of information but it will provide you with all the optimism that you need. Like what I always say to the new PLHIV's: the road has been paved for you and all you have to do is to follow the footsteps of those who have trod on the same road.

You are not alone in your fight. A lot of people are willing to help. All you need to do is to reach out to them and tell them that you are ready to fight!

Stay healthy,
Pozziepinoy





"WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER.
NO PLHIV is alone with his or her struggle with HIV!"

-Pozziepinoy-






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