Since the time that I was diagnosed of what I thought was only HIV, which was already AIDS, that I already have long before that, was trying to find a partner to be with and grow old with. I never thought that I got a lot of people loving me for who and what I am. I was so foolish to think that having a partner is the only way to find love and the strength to go on with life. Well, yes until now I am trying my best to forget someone who broke my heart just a few days back. However, from the time that I was experiencing this illness and from the moment that I was living my life alone in my own shell. It never came to my mind that my life is full of love and full of hope. I am the kind person who when gets himself involve with someone there are times that it is so deep and I always make sure that the person I am in love with will get the best out of having me as his partner.
My life has been an open book, a lot of my friends already told me to keep some love to myself whenever I am in a relationship. Well, I am, I guess too stubborn and too envious of those around me having a partner which love them back the way they share their love with them. Since that time that I accepted my sexual orientation my search for a partner that will share his life with was I guess always on top of my mind. I never thought that I am neglecting other people who love me so much and will not be able to handle things that much if I ended up of dying.
My mom is one of those people who will not be able to accept it if I go ahead of her. She was there since the first time she caught me fooling around with someone. She was there when I accepted myself as a MSM. She was there even if I always try to hide from everyone around me and live my own life not bothering them or telling them that I am in so much pain. There are moments that we argue a bit and I get pissed off of things that we share each other. However, just today I've realize my mom's love to me was my best weapon and shield that will help me to continue this battle.
Next on the list is my younger brother and sister in law. Upon the moment that I was diagnosed they insisted that I move in with them in their apartment in Batangas so that there will be someone who will watch over me because at that time I was not yet taking any treatment of some sort. And at that time I am infected with candida which prevented me from eating. Regardless of their financial worries they still took me in open arms to live with them. And now I am back in Manila starting to live back the life that I had before they still don't stop in sending me messages that don't hesitate in asking for their help.
My relatives and friends (this also includes those social workers at my HUB), who assisted me financially, spiritually and emotionally. I owe a lot from them. One thing I am so proud of is the foundation that I was able to build with these people is so strong even if at the toughest times in my life they were there to help.
In addition, my turning 3 month old dog whom I am sharing my room with in the apartment I am renting here in Manila. I see myself in her because she is mischievous but loving. People might say that she is only an animal and do not understand the way we humans think. However, I know that she will always be there for me will always cry when she doesn't see my shadow inside our room.
It is actually funny, that tears are starting to fall out of my eyes while writing this. I admit how foolish I am not to see that LOVE is always there for me regardless of my stupidity, my illness and my stubbornness in searching of a partner which at times I doubt that will come. Anyways, if not for this LOVE and these beings who are always there to LOVE me I won't be able to get through with this illness and all. HIV and AIDS is now only just like a cold and flu for me it will never conquer my heart it will never conquer me.
"WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER.
NO PLHIV is alone with his or her struggle with HIV!"
-Pozziepinoy-
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