Living with HIV in the Philippines: Email 394: Low Risk and Anxiety

Good day Pozzie.

I have been very troubled lately. Last July I tried something new and I decided to join a gay dating site. I chatted with people there but I don't do meet-ups 'coz I know how risky it is. But then one day I chatted with someone whom I think is decent and professional enough for me to at least give the guy I chance. We decided to have a meet-up. He was nice and charming. I didn't expect to someone like that on a dating site. We became really good friends. Then one night, out of lust I guess, we did it.

The oral sex was unprotected and the anal ( I was the bottom ) was protected. He even fingered me. I promised myself that it will not happen again but we did again.. twice. The second one was only mutual masturbation and he fingered me again. The third one was another unprotected oral sex.

After all the fun I suddenly got worried when a friend asked me one day: "ARE YOU SURE HE IS CLEAN?" Thoughts came into my mind. WHAT IF HE IS NOT CLEAN? I immediately asked him about his past sex life but he didn't obliged to into details. I got so paranoid that I researched facts about HIV. I really got more nervous when I recently got a cold [ 10 weeks after the first experience, 8 weeks after the second one, and 4 days after the third one ], ( runny nose, sneezing, mild fever [38.2]). The fever lasted for only a day since I took paracetamol to cool down my fever but my runny nose lasted for almost a week. 2 weeks before that I got some sort of cough with phlegm with wheezing ( I have history of asthma but it remained dormant for years now and I was wondering why it recurred just now..) and runny nose also.

I was requesting him to take an HIV test for me but he is hesitant because of his busy schedule.

As I read articles, online forums, and other websites dedicated to HIV [ since I am intensively searching the net about HIV for months now!], my case was just a low risk exposure. But I am still worried because before the fingering he continuously rubbed his thing against my anus (unprotected) and I am afraid that some of his pre-ejaculate entered inside my anus during the fingering. I am so PARANOID RIGHT NOW, POZZIE 'coz I am not used to this. I just wanna try something new and I never hooked up with ANYONE before him. Plus I am just starting my career in the corporate world since I just graduated from college recently. :'(

Do you think my case was a reason for high concern though there was no unprotected anal sex involved?

Is common cold and those other things I am experiencing in the past few days a typical sign of HIV?

Can asthma reoccur because of the HIV virus?

I am planning to have an HIV as soon as I am finish with my window period. As of now, I just want to vent out what I feel. I have never been so ANXIOUS and down in my life before this happened and I regret that I put myself in this type of situation. :((

Thank you, God bless, and more power to you, Pozzie. I am hoping for your reply.

POZZIEPINOY’S RESPONSE

Hi there.

Thank you for your email. Thank you for reading the blog and sharing your story with me and my readers.

You are right in saying that what you did was low risk, especially the unprotected oral sex. We know for a fact that HIV can't be transmitted by oral sex unless the receiver has an open wound in his mouth. There is no risk at all with mutual masturbation, fingering or rubbing.

However, since your anxiety is killing you as you are getting paranoid even with these facts right in front of you, it is best to deal with it and take the HIV test. It is a win-win scenario as it will calm your mind and second, by learning from the pre-counseling about HIV transmission, you will be scared to do anything risky.

I hope I was able to answer your concerns. Feel free to email me again if you have other questions.

Stay healthy,

Pozziepinoy