Friday, December 20, 2013

MY HIV Test Experience

Dear Pinoy Pozzie,

I'm 30 years old, married and straight. 

 My anxiety with having hiv started when i had sexual intercourse with a prostitute during the stag party of my office mate. I was so drunk at that time that i forgot how to use the  
condom properly. that was 2011. 

 i got married in 2012 and had baby this year. my anxiety still lingered. i was thinking what if i am postive, what will happen to my family and to our finances. then, in the first week of december this year, i developed a swollen lymph node on my left neck. my paranoia exacerbated when all the sites in the internet regarding hiv aids include swollen lymph nodes as one of the symptoms of hiv. i had sleepless nights. i did not go to work for a week. it was then that i stumbled upon your blog. i literally read ALL your blog entries. that was how paranoid i was. but your blog gave so enough courage and inspiration to undergo an hiv test. at first i planned to take the test at the ritm satellite clinic. 
i already set an schedule with one of the coordinators through email but i backed out when i found out that a friend (who is gay) is connected with love yourself group which runs the ritm satellite clinic. i'm afraid that he'll find out that i tested myself for hiv.lol. 

 so, last december 10, 2013, i went to st lukes qc to have a hiv testing but i likewise backed out because its pathology department was too crowded at that time. again, i dont want other people to hear that i was intending to undergo hiv testing. i decided to just go to manila social hygiene clinic that same day. when i went there, the people there were having their lunch break. to motivate myself not to back out, i look at the pictures of my 5 month old baby in my ipad and said to myself:"baby para sayo tong ginagawa ko, hindi ako matatakot o mahihiya magpatest kahit may makakilala sa akin kasi ang future mo ang iniisip ko." 

 at around 1 pm, i filled out the form and was interviewed by a counselor. he asked me to wait for the result. i was so nervous that time. at around 2:30, the counselor called me and handed me the result. it was folded so i didnt get to see what was written there. the counselor then directed me to open the test result. my hands were trembling uncontrollably. i could not open it myself because i was stunned for about five minutes so i requested the counselor to open it for me. the counselor then advised me to accept the result, that i have to face the consequences of my actions, that it was not yet the end of the world for me. i thought that time that i was hiv positive. i cried. but when he showed the result to me, it said "non reactive". 

 i hugged him tight and i promised that that i will not engage myself in any risky behaviour again. when i arrived home i hugged my baby and wife. i said i love you's to them repeatedly. :)
                                                  







"WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER.
NO PLHIV is alone with his or her struggle with HIV!"

-Pozziepinoy-



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