Living with HIV in the Philippines: Email 525: Having Anxiety Attacks

Hi pozziepinoy,

I've been doing a lot of reading because of this anxiety attacks and then i came across to your blog. And I've read few of the stories that was mailed to you. And i just wanna share my story so here it goes.

So I've been using this app and madami akong nakilala. Then i met this guy last january lang. Last friday of january and we did the "thing". It was my first time to have unprotected sex and i was the top. And i "enter" him twice and i "unleashed" it inside. Then I've met three other guys from february. (Sorry po kung maxado akong maharot xD) yung isa is twice kame ngkita, i was the top and we did it with condoms. The other one, more on oral (no penetrations). Then the last one, im the top and with condom.

After nung sa last, few days after eh nagkadischarge ako. Nagpaconsult ako and sti daw yon. With few antibiotics and naging ok na. From march, I'm having this anxiety attacks na baka meron nga akong hiv. Mas lumalala pa ito nung pinanuod ko yung mmk episode na (pulang laso) LoL. After nung nagka anxiety attacks na ko and don na ko start magkasymptoms.

Yung symptoms is constipation, palagi akong gutom but when i eat, minsan bloated minsan parang pagkakain ko eh di xa nacconvert sa energy kaya palagi akong nanghihina at tska dry mouth and anxiety attacks. Almost every day.

Im really anxious and i don't know what to do. Natatakot ako magpatest and natatakot ako sa magiging results. I dont know what will happen kapag nagpatest ako, wala ako kasama and what to do next if it turned out positive :<

Btw, my friends and family dont know anything about this. Even dun sa sti, ang sinasabi ko sa kanila is uti lang yon. Di rin nila alam ang tunay na sexual orientation ko. I really need someone to talk to right now, kase yung ex ko (xa lang nakakaalam about sa nararamdaman ko) is busy kaya di nya ko masamahan. Ayoko rin pumunta magisa. Kakagraduate ko lang from college, and natatakot ako if ganun nga yung result. Pano na mga pangatap ko? And im only 20 years old.

Salamat po if mabasa nyo ang mail ko. Thanks and more power pozzipinoy!

POZZIEPINOY’S RESPONSE

Hi XXX.

Thank you for your email.

To alleviate your anxiety, you really need to just take the HIV test. I know you are scared about the test and the result but that is the only way to calm down your nerves. Trust me, the HIV test will be an eye opener and will be the greatest decision you will ever make in your life.

If you are really scared and would like to be assisted, you can contact these numbers:

Marky: 0906-389-2402

Gerald: 0917-899-0473

Yomi: 0926-697-2240

I hope I was able to answer your concerns. Feel free to email me again if you have other questions.

Stay healthy,

Pozziepinoy

"WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER.

NO PLHIV is alone with his or her struggle with HIV!"

-Pozziepinoy-

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