Saturday, September 15, 2018

Life is Meant to be Lived!


Hi pozziepinoy, 

I've been reading your blog about HIV for the past few weeks, and I really want to share with you what I'm experiencing since I was diagnosed with HIV four years ago, but there's been something that pulling me back. Now I gathered all the strengths and courage to tell you my story.  

May 14 2014, the most unforgettable day of my life and maybe the most unfortunate news I ever had received. Confirmatory test results says "REACTIVE" in a plain bold text. Cd4 count at 590.  Honestly I expected it,  I know that there's been something wrong with me even before I decided to know my status.  It took days before things finally sink in my mind; and I asked myself "am I going to die?" I hope not I was young back then.  I'm just 24 that time and there are still a lot of opportunities on my way.  My career was just starting to bloom,  I just recently promoted and I'm  seeing a clear path for my career. So, I decided to set aside the thoughts of having the virus and live life like nothing happened. I know, it is a very unwise and a lame decision. 

September 2017, I was hospitalized because of difficulty in breathing and a high grade fever. Doctors try to figure out what's going on it can be TB or Pneumonia, blood test and X-ray are requested but results shows negative. So,  I decided to visit RITM ARG Clinic and ask for assistance. They ask for my confirmatory results and I was subject to counseling,  I had some  test X-ray, sputum, blood test etc.  Eventually, I had my first ARV after 3 years of being diagnosed. Then,  days, weeks,  months had passed. Still denying the fact that I am poz same old routine,  same old lifestyle, to the point that I am already missing a dose of my ARV. After six months of my first ARV treatment, as usual laboratory test are requested test results shows CD4 at 108 and Vl 300,000 copies per millimeter.  Clearly, my ARVs aren't working.  Why?? Simple! because of me there's no one to be blamed but me.  

Currently, Im on the second line arv my CD4 is at 33, and based on what I read I'm considered as stage 4 AIDS. Luckily I never had any other diseases but for how long? I'm still on denial. I refuse to take my ARV and honestly I'm  just waiting for my death to come. The truth is I need help I need support but how can somebody help me if even me can't help myself. No one can help me. I want to start again, to start from scratch but it's too late.  I am sad, I am depressed, I want to quit, I want to just take a rest forever to the point that I'm praying for my own death. I'm tired I honestly am.  

It feels good venting out the pain and suffering surrounding my soul.  I just hope that I  am the last person who is experiencing this dilemma and I hope one day I will be enlightened. 


Thank you for reading my email.  

Many thanks, 
XXX

POZZIEPINOY’S RESPONSE

Hi Jay,

We are here to help you. I would like to meet you personally so that we can talk. I would like to introduce you to our support group which we conduct every week in our Ortigas office. I want you to meet people, who are now productive in their lives, who despite of having HIV rebounded back and now enjoying life.

I just want you to know that it is NEVER too late. Life is meant to be lived, not to be given up. You can once again rebound back and fight for your life, your family and your lifelong dreams. Sometimes, we think too much that we feel we are alone in this fight, when in fact there are a lot of people, people you just don't know, who are willing to fight with you.

I hope you don't mind, but I am also linking you with Dr. Rossana Ditangco. She is the best doctor you'll ever have who can also talk to you and help you with your medical management. 

Jay, together we can work on this. Just don't lose hope. Let's meet. Let's talk. Then I want you to correspond with Dra. Ditangco too. This will be a team effort, just for you, all for you. 

Hope to hear for you soon. 

POZZIEPINOY



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