Email 115: Scared and Confused Mom

Pozzie,

It’s getting worse. I'm so sad, alone, guilty. I feel dirty. My life is ruined by love and sex. In the past I had unprotected sex with my boyfriends who always deceived me. They only used me. It's my fault because of love. I'm blind and didn't protect and take care of myself. I knew even if i do not go to gynaecologist that I have a sexually transmitted disease. Because I put some 5 pills in my vagina so that i will not get pregnant. A bad advice from my friend who died 2yrs ago. The worst thing is i haven't gone for paps smear.  I always take medicines that I've read in the net. That's the worst thing I've done in my whole life coz im so ashamed and afraid. Also we don't have financial capability to undergo with treatment. I'm so weak and I feel devastated. It's all my fault.