hi sir pozzie. i hope you're doing good and fine. God bless you always.
sorry if my letter would be too long and i hope you could forgive my drama-- i just can't let it go that easily. i had unprotected sex last August 2013. a month after, i got sick (fever,
mild tonsil with rashes). my boss (which happens to be a GP since i work in a hospital) decided me to get admitted. i was confined for 3 days and the final diagnosis was systemic viral infection.
i did not waste any moment.
September - a month after my confinement. i took the HIV test at the Manila Hygiene Clinic. that was my first time :) it turned out to be negative. it was a sigh of relief that time. i knew that somehow, it eliminates all the possibility of having infected prior to the August unprotected sex. i abstained from sex since then.i told myself that i have to wait for November (the so-called 3-month window period) to get the test again to see if i am really negative.
November 10 Sunday. together with my girl bff, we went to RITM-Manila. i told my bff that she could leave me, shop or eat for a while. i was thinking that she might might feel uneasy because all of us that time inside the clinic were male but she refused to. we were counseled prior to the testing. after the extraction, nobody went outside. all of us waited for the result. i think 2 hours or less the results came in.
my name was called. Sir Chris was my counselor. he interviewed me for the risk assessment and handed me the result. it was positive HIV-1. pozzie, i literally felt numb and speechless. Sir Chris was talking to me but i felt like whatever he says i can't absorb at that time. i was teary. he asked me if i want to talk to my bff. i said yes. he called her and Sir Chris let us talk privately. when me and bff were alone, i breakdown. i cried a lot. like a child. my bff cried as well and we're both crying. i told her everything i feel inside. my dreams, my aspirations, my family, my self-pity. i feel so heart-broken...
after that, i composed myself. i do not want people outside the private room to see that i cried heavily.Sir Chris assisted me, gave me instructions and whatabout next steps that i need to know. he told me to go tomorrow to RITM-ARG and from there, there someone will assist me. i thanked him and we left RITM.
my mind was floating while we were walking. just like Sir Chris, bff gave me all the encouragement the world could ever give but i can't seem to handle it. that result was far too powerful to alleviate the pain in my heart.
perhaps to cut the drama, she joked at me and said: "ayan, kakabasa mo sa blog na yun (pozzie) pati ikaw isa na sa kanya" and laughed.
she was bitch. i am also a blogger and she knew back then that i have been following your blog since last year even if i do not have any business there (seriously). i remember one time she told me "anu bang napapala mo kakabasa niyan?" i told her that it's very informative and educational. but other than that i dunno else. i feel like something tells me to read and read your updates.
now the reason for the affinity explains....
anyways, bff told me to visit another very close friend to us. without a doubt i said yes. from Manila we went to Pasig. i told him the result of the test this morning and as expected, another crying moment took place...
pozzie, i feel so down. i have so many questions and fears. i do not know were to begin, how to start and what awaits me ;( i feel so devastated.
ian.
POZZIEPINOY’S RESPONSE
Hi Ian.
Thanks for your email. Thanks for sharing us your experience with the HIV test and what you are feeling right now.
I am glad that you have been proactive with your health. I am glad that you took the test when you first thought that you had been exposed. I am proud of you for doing that and I do hope that others will have the same courage as you had.
I understand what you are feeling. I know it came as a shock to you as I had felt that too when I was diagnosed to have HIV. But now, you need to gather your strength once again and face the next steps that you need to take. There is no other way but to go forward with your life, and focus on your health.
Below are some blog posts that you can read:
NEXT STEPS
HOPE and POSITIVISM
If you want to talk to our peer counsellors, to give you advice, please click the link below:
I hope I was able to answer your concerns. Feel free to email me again if you have other questions.
Stay healthy,
Pozziepinoy
"WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER.
NO PLHIV is alone with his or her struggle with HIV!"
-Pozziepinoy-
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