Email 241: Positivism

Posted by Pozziepinoy on 5:03 PM

Hi Pozzie,

Just like to share my story being a newly diagnosed PLHIV which I call now "Diabetes type 4" because of the presence of lifelong medications and constant control we do to our body to maintain health.

I was tested mid week of January this year. Like every one else knowing you are positive was unexpected and devastating, though a portion of my mind had half expected the result, because of my sexual (both sexes) and occupational exposure (accidental needle prick and blood splashes... yup I'm a bit careless). That same day I told my family about the situation even my sibling abroad. I know I've caused them pain by knowing what I have, but I believe keeping it to myself will only worsen my problem, also I don't want to rob them the opportunity to show how much they care and to help out. At the end of the day, your family is the one who will stand by you, no matter what, and accept and love you, simply because they do.

The 2 weeks of waiting for the confirmatory result is the part I hated most, not because I dreaded for the result but because I was excited to know my CD4 count and I have already set a date for my visit in RITM-ARG, and that delay is the sole reason I can't do it. So when I got it, the counselor was a bit surprised with my happy disposition. After my 1st laboratory, I got my CD4 count result........268 which means I was a candidate for ARV treatment (my target date to start my 2 week trial is this coming week). Weeeeh just remove the 68 CD4 and I will fall to AIDS diagnosis. I thank my lucky stars that I don't have any disease manifestations even with a low count. Judging, based on my result, I probably have it since 2008-  my very 1st sexual contact and unprotected (my second time of unprotected contact was on the 1st quarter of 2012), which means I belong, sorry for my term, one f*ck wonder group. It only proves that HIV requires only a single act of foolishness to change your life in a way, you will never imagine.

Actually, having HIV changed my perspective in life. A friend told me, no matter what we do, we can never change the longevity of our life, only its quality. having a chronic illness added a new color on how we view our life, for me I learned to appreciate more the every waking moment I have with my family, the kisses, hugs, laughters, problems and tears we have shared and I am thankful that today, they have already accepted what happened and can discuss my illness casually and over dinner without any drama. Though, my dream to experience to work abroad seems a bit far fetched now (though USA is still an option, I prefer not to), at least I can still work on my chosen profession, finish my second course, continue my grad studies and do my first love - teaching, for that I am still grateful and hopefully someday start a family of my own.

I know there will be great challenges ahead that will be happening, changes in my life's goals and adjustment to be made especially now that I need to take the ARVs, but dwelling in the past and thinking the "if's" will only bring me frustrations. Just like the saying goes - "Laugh, and the world laughs with you; weep, and you weep alone", life continues whether you like or not, so there is no other way but move forward and hope for the best.

I believe eventually we will be able to pick up the things HIV had taken from us, and use the disease to motivate us to dream and do more.

See you around,

NO PLHIV is alone with his or her struggle with HIV!"


© Copyright. All Rights Reserved by Pozziepinoy 2012