Email 260: Stand Up and Live!
Posted by Pozziepinoy on 10:49 PM
Himala nga at nabuhay ako sabi ng parents ko at buti na lang sobrang galing ng mga doctor ko. Nandyan si Dra. Saniel ng TMC at si Dr. Salvana ng PGH. Pero naisip kong mag give up na. Una sa gastos at alam ko din naman doon din tayong lahat pupunta. Minsan napapagod na ako sa kakainom ng gamot. Minsan nahihiya na ako sa parents ko kasi alam kong inuutang din nila yung pambili ng maintenance ko sa gamot e.g. fluconazole etc. at yung pampacheck up ko kasi naka enroll ako sa isang private hub sa Medical City.
I was glad when I saw and read your blog about HIV. It was inspiring. Actually, I am also HIV positive and was diagnosed last December 29, 2013 in The Medical City. I had menigitis that was why we found out that I was positive. For one month I was confined in the hospital because of the many complications of pneumonia and PTB.
It was a miracle that I lived according to my parents and good thing my doctors were so good like Dra Saniel of TMC and Dr. Salvana of PGH. But I really thought of giving up. First because of the expenses and second I know that we are all going to die anyways. Sometimes I get tired of taking my medicines. Sometimes I feel embarrassed because my parents borrow money just to pay for my maintenance medicines like fluconazole, etc., and for my check up fees because I am enrolled in a private hub in The Medical City.
POZZIEPINOY’S RESPONSE
Hi XXX.
Thank you for your email. I am also glad that you were able to read the blog and find it inspiring.
In your email, there are lines that you wrote that I want you to look at and to capitalize on before I can give you a "little" piece of my advice.
1. "It was a miracle that I lived".
With that phrase coming from your parents comes an affirmation that you are born to survive the infections brought about by HIV. Imagine, you are living because your body was able to fight the infections. You are living because your medicines worked for you.
2. "My doctors are so good".
You are so blessed because there are "angels", your doctors, who supervised your health together with you and your family. I know both these doctors. I had the privilege of being supervised by Dr. Saniel in The Medical City too and I heard great things about Dr. Salvana. You are so lucky to have been handled by two of the best infectious disease doctors in the country.
3. "I am enrolled in a private hub".
Even though it is hard to finance all the fees in a private hub, your parents still chose that you be enrolled in one. Of course, you may say that your parents are borrowing money to pay for everything, but I really believe that they are doing it out of love for you. They chose a private hub because they want everything perfect for you, no matter how much it would cost them.
4. "My mommy comes with me in all my lab tests and check ups".
You are so loved. Your mom and your family are beside you with your struggle. You are not alone. They are around you. Protecting you. Embracing your new life. Loving you without conditions.
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Now let me tell you a story of one PLHIV that I assisted last year.
"James" is an expat. I met him in a group in twitter and he was (and still) an avid follower of the blog. He was diagnosed at the same time that I was diagnosed. He had PTB then. Like you, he was (and is) enrolled in a private hub too, with a good infectious disease doctor who was patiently assisting him. He was on ARV's when I first talked to him over the phone and was experiencing the side effects of his efavirenz. He was suicidal.
He spoke a lot about how depressed he was and even thought of euthanasia in another country. I kept on encouraging him to hang on, but he kept on venting his suicidal ideations and his plans. He thought of death, of how hard he was dealing with the side effects of his ARV's, of how God has been punishing him. A lot of times he cried over the phone, thinking how his family back in his home country would feel if they find out. He thought about his goals in life and how they have been shattered. I just listened as he vented out all his fears and frustrations.
I was worried about him. I was thinking how I can impart all my positive vibes to him when all he was thinking was death and failure. How can I make him embrace his life once again, if his mind had been clouded with pessimism.
I then decided to share my life with him.
One day, I told him about The Love Fund and how I was able to help the indigent PLHIV's of RITM-ARG with their medical needs. I told him that I needed donations for formula milk and diapers for 2 kids with HIV who are patients of RITM-ARG. It somehow changed his perspective. He became more excited and told me that he can find ways to donate to these kids. I told him that we can meet and deliver the goods to RITM-ARG.
For the first time, Pozziepinoy was going to meet a fellow PLHIV! I was scared but I found the strength just for James. He picked me up from my place and we headed to the hospital. There I introduced him to Dr. Ditangco and all the staff of RITM-ARG who were handling The Love Fund too. As we handed our donations, both money and goodies for the kids,I saw a smile flashed from James face. I was happy.
He started to pledge more donations. I also told him that he needed to get a hobby. He always wanted to learn how to swim so I linked him up with a swimming instructor. Slowly, he began to change. It seemed like life was catching up with him again. I believed that he was grasping his purpose in life once again. He became more involved in helping other people once again and slowly he became busy. The frequent text messages of being depressed was changed to him being busy all the time. He was on top of his game again.
From time to time we would exchange messages and the most recent text message that I got from him was a month ago, a little over a year when I first talked to him. He reported to me that his CD4 was above 550 (from below 100) and his Viral load was already undetectable (from millions). He is now busy living his life. I was in tears when I ended our chat.
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Life is precious. However, our minds can easily be clouded by problems that we face. We forget the people around us, those who love us, those who are helping us.
Life with HIV is really a battle. But every battle can be won with courage and conviction. All we have to do is to gather our strength and focus on the things that we need to do. We have to have that desire to win and be healthy again so that our body can bounce back.
XXX, I listed above 4 phrases that you wrote that can make you strong physically and emotionally. You are capable of doing great things, just get your strength from the lines that you wrote. Ponder on them. Live with those lines in your heart. Believe in them.
Like James, in no time, you too will also recover. The things that we feed our mind can either make or break us. It is now time for you to start focusing on your life and show to everyone, especially to those who love you that you can beat all odds and destroy all barriers that you think HIV has put in front of you!
Stay healthy,
Pozziepinoy
P.S.
Please read the following blog entries:
1. Positivism
10. Yes, You Can!
"WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER.
NO PLHIV is alone with his or her struggle with HIV!"
-Pozziepinoy-
© Copyright. All Rights Reserved by Pozziepinoy 2012
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Tags: HIV Manila, HIV Philippines, AIDS Manila, AIDS Philippines, HIV/AIDS Manila, HIV/AIDS Philippines
