Email 19

“Hi Pozziepinoy,

First and foremost, I would like to thank you for your blogs.  All your words are so encouraging and all the information you share lift up my spirit.  I just have known that I have HIV last June 28 but yet to be confirmed by my Western Blot test (hopefully this Thursday).  HIV may not kill me at this time but depression does.  From the moment those 2 lines showed up in the rapid test, everything fell apart.  It was my darkest day.  I don't know what to do, who tell and what to tell.  I can't eat, I can't sleep and I want to stop time.  I'm so glad that I came across your blog because it's the only thing that I have for now and reading it makes me strong and gives me the understanding of what to face whatever lies ahead.

I'm still here working in XXXX.  I've been here for XXXX years.  I know and if I remembered it correctly, I got my infection last XXXX.  I pray that the XXX would not know my situation. Else, they would cancel my employment pass immediately and I have to leave the country ASAP.  If that happens it would be harder for me to explain to those who know me what is the reason and hopefully the XXX wouldn't disclose anything to my employer.  I don't know if I should expect that to happen but now I’m starting to pack my things (anyways, I still need to send some of my things back).  I couldn't decide at the moment until I have the WB result.  If I will be given the chance, I would like to stay here as long as I can to earn and save money for my lifelong medication but it also frightens because I know it would be hard when I start taking any medication.  I'm also thinking to just resign and go back to my family but I’m not sure either if I should or how can I tell them or how can I hide it from them.  I may have my savings but I’m not sure if it's enough for my treatment and I don't know if I can get a job when I go home.

Please advise me.  If ever I got that WB result, how long or should I wait for a certain period to do the entire test required?  Is 1 week enough to do the entire test? If I still be working here, I may be able to get a maximum of 2 weeks leave.  Can you also help me and refer me to your doctor?  RITM is the ideal hub for me because it's accessible to where I stay.  Please tell me what should I prepare - financially, emotionally, and physically.

Right now, I have so many questions in my mind.   There are so many information that I need to digest.   I have a big plan to make. It was just a week ago where everything is normal.  If only I could turn back the time, but I can't do that and what only I can do is move my life forward.  I have to stay strong. I have to live healthy. I want to be a fighter like you.

Hope to hear from you soon. 

Thanking you much!

XXX

P.S.

I hope that I would have the chance in meeting and talking to you in person.  I need your counselling.  You are the first person that I told about this.”

POZZIEPINOY’S REPLY

 Hi.

Thanks for your email. Thank you also for reading my blog. It is my diary of my second journey, well after I was diagnosed. 

I salute you for taking the HIV test. It is really hard for most of us to take it, to really admit that we have done something wrong in the past and acknowledge that HIV is real. You are one courageous person that other people should look up to. I am glad that you took it early, unlike me, who got tested when I was already sick with opportunistic infections, when I already have AIDS.

I know it is a serious matter to you since you are living and working abroad and having HIV would really compromise your job especially in the country you are in right now. I know it really is scary but more importnat now is your health. It is the greatest treasure that we all can only have so we really have to focus on it no matter what. You might be earning to live your dreams but what is important at present is for you to keep on living a healthy life. There are many decisions that we have to take but we have to choose what is best for our health. You really have to make a hard decision later on. I don't know how long you can keep it a secret in your company and from the country you are in but that feeling that anytime, someone will know your status is really scary. I know it is hard but let's face it, some countries really ban people with HIV. That's the reality, well, for now.

While waiting for your WB result, you should start reading about HIV. Most are in my blog already and the status of medical care in the country. 

Regarding your questions about the the length of time that you have to stay here for your tests, you have two options:

1. You can finish everything in one day in RITM and go back to work the following day (as simple as that) if:

    a. your CD4 is above 350. This means that you don't have to take your ARV's yet which are free in the Philippines.

    b. your CBC result is normal

    c. your other special tests are normal 

        i. Chest xray

        ii. AFB Smear

        iii. Toxoplasma IgG

        iv. HBsAg

        v. Herpes Simplex II (igG)

        vi. VDRL

        vii. anti HCV

     **** if there are abnormalities or there are signs of infections, better for you to have medical treatment first before going back.

2. When all the results are out (one day only in RITM) and if your CD4 is below 350:

    a. You have to take ARV's and monitoring is usually 2 weeks to one month, which means that you have to go back to the hub either after 2 weeks or after 1 month. This period is your monitoring period for any side effects of the ARV's.

Let's pray that you don't fall to option 2 yet because that will really have an impact in your decision of either staying here or working there still.

My advice to you is as soon as you get the result of your WB and in case it turns out to be positive, get a 2 week leave of absence fast, if possible, and get tested here in the Phils for all the tests that I mentioned above. Your priority is your health so this is important. The chances of getting better fast is at the highest is when the HIV is detected at an earlier stage and the immune system strength known (high CD4) so come home fast. Get all the tests done in RITM-ARG because I'm pretty sure that the results come out on the same day so no need to wait for a long time. I can also refer you to my doctor in case your CD4 is low, well in case you really want to. Else, if your CD4 is still high, you will just be asked to come back again after 6 months to be tested again.

For now, while waiting you just have to be strong. In my blog entries I wrote a lot of things that you can do while waiting. Check Things to do while waiting. Physically, you have to stay healthy. Don't get sick. Financially, the costs of all the tests won't go above P10,000. The ARV's are free, Your biggest baggage will be your travel expenses. Emotionally, just try to be strong and positive. There is life after HIV. Even though it is not the life we want for ourselves, at least we are still alive and living.

Thanks for making me the first person to confide your status in. I appreciate that. Talking is a good way of venting our fears and emotions. Later on, the challenge will be accepting what it is and by accepting it means telling our loved ones our health status.

I'll be here for you. You can email me anytime and we can communicate once you decide to come back to the country.

Stay healthy,

Pozziepinoy

FOR TOPIC SUGGESTIONS, please email me at pozziepinoy@yahoo.com

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