Email 21

“Hi Pozziepinoy,

I hope you are doing well.  I have my result and it's confirmed.  

My big problem now is my work.  I have decided to resign but as per law here, I have to render XXX notice else I have to pay an amount because of breach of my contract.  I already informed my employer that I need to go back to the Philippines for medical treatment.  They would only allow me to cut my notice period short if I have a medical certificate to show them that I need to undergo medical testing....  I actually informed them that I may have a XXX problem.  Right now, I'm so confused because all I want is to go home.  If only I could tell them that I'm HIV positive, then they will let me go right away.

I'm having a hard time sleeping now thinking what to do. I already accepted the fact that I am HIV positive but I'm always afraid of every moment I spend here. I'm losing appetite and I believe I'm losing weight too.  This is not because of HIV... this is because of the depression that I don't know how can I go back to the Philippines the soonest possible time without creating any questions or conclusions with all the people I know here in XXX.

I hope to hear from you soon.

Thank you.

XXX”


POZZIEPINOY'S REPLY

Hi XXX,

Thanks for your email. 

I know what you are feeling right now. I know how heavy it is for you to carry this new load, especially when you are all alone, in a foreign land. I know how hard it is to give up one’s job, and leave our friends because of our illness, not primarily because we are sick but because of the law of a certain country where we are working in. I understand the feeling of depression that is getting on to you.

You are doing the right choice at the moment. Your priority should be your health first. Everything will crumble, if we allow ourselves to get sick. You are still lucky because no matter what you are still healthy and still capable on focusing on getting treatment.

Coming back home is the wisest choice for me. Your family is here. I tell you, you can have 100% support from them. Also, here you can get tested for free. HIV treatment is absolutely free. The only financial burden will be if you have infections already in which case you have to finance the treatment straight from your pocket. 

For now, focus on getting strong, physically and emotionally. You have to fight by focusing on what you can do for now which is finishing everything there even though you have to stay for another XXX days and planning what you need to do here. You need to get peace of mind. Praying can help. If you need to relax, get a diversion while you're there. Read books, get a temporary hobby, meditate. When you return I will help you, so don’t worry. 

Depression can eat you alive, and make you feel weak, so don’t allow it. It is a matter of choice. Either we succumb to it or fight it. Eat and stop wasting time on overly thinking about things. Stay strong because that is the only way of beating our disease. You have to stay focused in getting as healthy as possible so that when you come back home, you are ready to face what ever is in front of you. But for now, stay as positive as possible. Always put it in your mind that HIV can be beaten with medicines and a inner strong will. I know you can do it, like most of us who have done it before.

There is life, which is a better life, you will see. You just have to see beyond HIV and later on you will tell yourself that you have beaten it, tamed our illness as if it never happened to you at all.

Stay safe and I’ll wait for your return to the country.

Pozziepinoy

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