A New Journey ~ Living with HIV in the Philippines

A New Journey

Posted by Pozziepinoy on 5:23 PM

Your initial HIV test turned out positive and you are made to wait for the confirmatory for 2 to 3 weeks. You are shocked. You don’t know what to do. You don’t know if you’re going to tell your family. You feel the world has come to an end.

You want to cry. You want to scream. You want to spill out your guts.

I know how it feels. I’ve been there. Like the rest of all the pozzies I knew, we all have been there. We felt the same way. You are not alone in this world.

Now, you begin to read. Read articles about HIV and AIDS. You read blogs of fellow poz. You read tweets in twitter. You read about opportunistic infections and about side effects of ARV’s. You read about the fees of all the lab exams, the CD4 test and the viral load. Then you become depressed. You become more scared.

It’s ok to be depressed but get a grip of yourself. It’s not the end of the world. It is just a start of a new journey. I know you would say that it is easy said than done, but will we have to make it hard for ourselves, when we are already burdened with a disease that is still incurable? Will we block out our vision of the future when other pozzies who have used to be in your situation, are living their lives to the fullest and still functioning as productive members of the society now? They already have paved the way for you. They have already experienced what you will soon experience. All you need to do is to learn from their wisdom, to follow the right path to good health, and like them you too will soon be back on your feet and live a happy life.

It’s ok to be scared. Of course the initials like HIV and AIDS are pretty scary. But imagine the courage and dedication of my idols, Humphrey Gorriceta and Wanggo Gallaga who both came out and gave a face to HIV in the Philippines. Imagine the thousands of people living HIV/AIDS who are always going to the HIV/AIDS hubs all over the country, who are courageous to get treatment. Do you think they were also scared before? The answer is yes, but they got on their feet, brushed the dust off their feet and walked forward with their heads held up high. You too can do that.

It’s ok to be scared, but move on fast. Knowledge is power. It is only by knowledge, by knowing and understanding everything about our disease and our ARV’s, that we can have the greatest power to accept our disease. Sometimes what we are reading from blogs and twitter are scary, but they are the actual truth and they should not scare us but instead, empower us and think of ways to prevent it from happening to us. Instead of being scared, we should ask and inquire. We should read more and maybe we can prevent these scary things from happening to us. I, for one, was so scared before. Scared of what the ARV’s will bring about. Scared about opportunistic infections. But instead of being scared for a long time, I told myself that I have to fight by doing everything, by studying, by researching and educating myself so the past mistakes won’t happen to me. I educated myself by believing in the wisdom of my doctors because I know their knowledge and experience will give me more strength to fight back.

It’s ok to keep our status to ourselves initially. Take time to think and tell people, especially our loved ones and families when we are ready. It is easier to accept our status when our family and loved ones are very supportive and that is true. But acceptance has to come from within. It is only by accepting our status that we can really be free. Free from the burden of what others will feel and how others will look at us.

I know it is hard at first. It’s all natural. It’s normal. But the best decision we can make with our disease is by choosing to face it and fight it with all our might and courage. It is only by this choice that we can break the bondage of HIV and AIDS that has bound people for the past decades from moving forward and to live their lives to the fullest.

I know you can do it. So don’t be scared. Don’t be depressed. The way to good health has been paved for you. It is easy now. All you have to do is to walk forward towards your future once again!