A Story of Hope

My blog is my notebook. It's just a collection of all the researches I made about HIV/AIDS especially here in the Philippines. Its a collage.. I put bits and pieces of everything about my disease. At first, it was a diary for me to reflect on, a journal for me to spill out all my emotions. Lately it has become a venue for other people to interact with me, a channel where I can assist other people with their struggles.

I met Miguel through my blog last week. He sent a message through my email. He was depressed and scared because he just found out that he was positive that day and was just waiting for the confirmatory from his Western Blot. He said he knew that he will turn positive there too. He was pretty sure. I told him that everything will be alright. He told me that nobody knows, not even his family and he was scared of rejection by them. I listened. 

For the past days, he had been messaging me. He was scared to death. He said he couldn't sleep anymore. In front of the computer he said he forgot everything but as soon as he was in bed, everything rushed back in. All bad thoughts came flooding his mind. He told me he even thought of committing suicide. I listened and I talked to him. I told him that he is an important person and he should be focusing on his health rather than entertaining bad thoughts. I allowed him to talk and talk. Most of the time I just listened. He asked questions about my experiences, about treatment, about hubs. I gave him direct answers. He kept on saying over and over again that he was worried. I calmed him down by telling him that I am there to listen to him.

For five days we had been communicating. I made it a point to answer as fast as I could when he needed me. I wanted him to know that I was there for him. Still, he was scared and couldn't sleep. Still he was confused. I listened. I answered all his questions. I gave him the best advice that I could give. I told him that I asked for prayers for him from some of the pozzies that I know. 

Yesterday morning we communicated again. But this time, I did most of the talking. I told him that we should set a goal. First, he has to accept that the disease exists in him so he can accept it and focus on his health. Second while waiting for his confirmatory he should be busy by preparing himself physically and mentally for the possible scenario, for treatment. I told him that he should start telling one of his siblings about his condition. That is the best way to prove that he has accepted his condition. I told him that right now, he needs a support system coming from any of his family members. He has to face the fact that he needs help from them. We even set a deadline, a specific date when he is going to do it. We also made a contract that he has to make sure that he is in good health before he gets the confirmatory result, meaning if he has a possible OI, he has to treat it fast. He has to be, literally, clear from any infections before the said date. I told him that it was a win-win situation. If he turned out false positive, still he will be in good and healthy condition. He agreed. We made a pact that he will be focusing on his health. I told him to read my previous blog about staying positive (http://pozziepinoy.blogspot.com/2011/11/how-to-stay-positive.html) and start doing them.

Yesterday afternoon, he texted me again. This time he was so happy. He texted me these:

         "Pozzie! Ang saya saya ko! My sisters accepted me. Very supportive sila

         at they'll help me out. I wanna thank you. Sobrang laking tulong ng chat natin e.

         Sana I can meet you one of these days to personally thank you. We can do this,

         we'll survive!"

          "Thank you! I'm done with the first step - acceptance. Next step is to keep

          myself busy and healthy."

I cried.

I was so happy. 

Most of the time when we have problems we sunk in to ourself. We blame ourselves for what ever has happened to us. We entertain a lot of negative thoughts that will drain us. We close our eyes and wait for the inevitable. We start to create our nightmares.

But there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. There is hope. All we have to do is to open our eyes, fight the darkness and climb up towards the light. Most of the time we need somebody to assist us, to assure us that everything will be ok. But the greater force should come from within. We need to be willing to help ourselves. We have to learn how to stand up, brush off the dirt and start acting on all the possible, productive things. We have to assert to ourselves that we are still alive and we are ready to live our lives once again. We have to, not only think, but to start moving, acting on goals and begin moving forward.

To you Miguel, I know life will be good. I know that everything will turn out right for you. Just keep that hope in your heart. Trust me, you'll sleep good at night and you'll wake up and see a great day, everyday!

FOR TOPIC SUGGESTIONS, please email me at pozziepinoy@yahoo.com

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