Email 72: Concerned About His Partner

Posted by Pozziepinoy on 8:50 AM

Hi Pozziepinoy, 

I've been reading your blogposts and motivated by the different stories you are sharing on your site.

I'm currently living with an HIV pos partner. We've been together for 5 years though there were times that we broke up and just reunited back.
My partner is the type of person who just go with the flow in life, after he was diagnosed back in XXX 2012 nothing much had changed in terms of his health and of his outlook in life. I still see him having the same out look the same as before he was diagnosed. (I'm not sure though if it's a sign of strength or a sign of giving up).


Everytime we talked about his planned treatment (he's yet to start ARV on XXX) and all the health and lifestyle adjustments that I am asking him to do, he doesn't seem to take them seriously. What frightens me is that he may easily give up when it's time for him to take the ARV meds due to the side effects they may cause. What also bothers me is that everytime we argue (with his health as topic) he would always say "Ayoko na man mag pagamot in the first place (I don’t want to get treatment in the first place)." 

I have thoughts of hopelessness over his attitude sometimes but I don't want to ever give up on him. I love him so much that I'm willing to share the burden of his illness. I started working 2 jobs to prepare for his possible events of hospitalization. I'm planning to change my work shift from night to day shift so just I would coincide with his (he is still XXX). I want him to gain a sense of maturity to help himself face this challenge in life and let him know that I will always be there no matter what happens and that I will always love him forever. I can't imagine life without him in it so I'm really pushing him to be conscious with his health, take necessary actions and prevent getting sick.

I tried engaging him with different support groups but he doesn't want to belong in any. I told him that this would be a good emotional support for both of us but he still deny the possible benefits of it. Me talking with him about heath related topics sometimes takes a toll on our relationship as it would mostly start a fight. 

I'm here to ask you if you have anymore advice that I should take in order for me to have him to deal with his health seriously.

Thanks!


 POZZIEPINOY'S REPLY

 Hi XXX,

 Thank you for your email and for reading my blog entries. I am glad that somehow through it you were able to communicate your predicament and your concern about your partner.

 Accepting one's disease is a hard thing to do for some people. Sometimes people who have a disease get arrested in one of the different stages of depression and the people around have a hard time understanding his or her situation.

 I still believe that your partner is still in the stage of denial as from your email, he seemed not interested with your efforts to focus on his health. This will take time but just be there for him. Pressing him will pull him away from the topic and from you and will hurt your relationship and you in the process.

I still believe that counselling will do him good. You forgot to mention in your email where his treatment hub his and who is his doctor. I believe that his HIV doctor can intervene and the best way is for you to communicate your concern with his doctor. I also know of good (discreet) counsellors in RITM who can assist him but of course the desire to be counselled should come from him.

The support groups may not be ideal at the meantime, but a one on one counselling may do him good. If you want I can talk to him and share my story. Just email me your number in your email and I'll communicate with him. No pressure though.

You are doing a great job. Don't feel hopeless. Just being there, by still loving him, is the greatest therapy for him. Time can only tell when he will open up and you being beside him all the time can definitely assure him that everything will be alright, no matter what, despite HIV.

I hope I was able to answer you question. Feel free to email me again if you have other concerns.


Stay healthy,
Pozziepinoy



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