Email 75: Afraid and Ashamed

Posted by Pozziepinoy on 4:39 PM

Dear Mr./Ms. Pozzie,

I stumbled on your blog while googling "I'm scared that I might have HIV" and I find it very educational. 

I know that the most accurate solution to my email's question would be to undergo a test but I just want to hear what you have to say. 

Here's my situation:

I'm 25 y/o and have had two monogamous sexual encounters. First was with a college boyfriend, who I know is monogamous too. What worries me is my second encounter with a married man. It was definitely a mistake and I've long walked away from it. I am now happily committed with a man and we mutually decided on chastity before marriage. 

The encounter with the married man happened twice XXX 2010 and XXX 2011. There was no condom involved (which I know is completely stupid of me). I know that this guy is not monogamous and has had affairs with other women also in the course of his marriage. 

I'm not feeling particularly unwell, maybe I'm just feeling paranoid. I didn't think of undergoing a test last year because: 1. I'm afraid and 2. I thought that symptoms appear within a year or so but I've recently read that someone positive can experience symptoms only after 10years or so of being positive?

I'm sorry for my long email. It's just that there is no one for me to talk to about this and I also feel ashamed. I know I made mistakes. 

I used my personal email because I trust you are very discreet and will keep  my identity and all information about me confidential. 

Thank you very much for your time and attention. Keep up your good work of providing assistance and support to other pozzies. God bless you and you will be in my prayers. 


XXX


POZZIEPINOY'S REPLY

Hi XXX,

Thank you for your email. Thanks for reading my blog and finding it very educational. I am still learning a lot from the disease and like what I say always, as I educate myself, I educate others in the process.

Now regarding your concern, like what you said, the best way to know is really by taking the HIV test. No other way can you calm yourself but by submitting yourself and taking it the test.

I know you are scared, and as you have said ashamed, but it is the most responsible thing to do. By doing so, one, you are being proactive about the state of your health and second, you are are being responsible for the health of your current partner.

We all make mistakes, but I believe the greatest mistake is not being responsible for ourselves and to the people that we love because we are too scared to know our health status. It is ok to be scared but the fear won't subside unless we use our brains to work and do the ultimate test to put everything to rest.

You need to take the right step forward. Don't look back anymore and just do it. This is the ultimate obstacle that you need to overcome for you to have peace of mind.

I hope I was able to answer your concern. Please feel to email me again if you have other concerns.


Stay healthy,
MR. Pozziepinoy


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