Email 320: My Past and My Non Reactive Result

Posted by Pozziepinoy on 10:47 AM

Greetings!

I'm 20 and a graduate of BSHRM, I was amazed by the stories that i read in your blog, I was moved and  kinda scared about the things i found out. 



So to make the story short I had this ex boyfriend for just 3 months and I gave him everything (Medyo tanga lang), everything went well until the day i found out na panakip butas lang pala ako. Yes we had sex to be specific it was unsafe sex for 2 months in a weekly basis. After we broke up yes at dahil bitter ako at mahal ko parin sya, i still engaged into sex pero mga 2 times lang yun and later on i realized na unsafe pala kame and then wala ng communication. I became closed to his family and of course hinahanap ako sakanila and his cousin was one of my closest friend. There was a day na pumunta ako sa bahay ng cousin nila (neighbor nya lang ang ex ko) so nagkita kame ulit and guess what we talk and later on had sex ( unsafe), since that day natauhan na ako ng baka HIV+ na ako so i took the courage to take the test. 1 week since nung last engaged ko doon ako nagpa test, basically the next day pa makukuha ang result. The night before lumabas ang result i was frustrated with all the thoughts na what if positive ako? Mamatay na ba ako? Maaabot ko pa ba ang pangarap ko? The result came up the next morning and i was blessed NONREACTIVE ang result but i have to retake the test after 6 months kaya hindi pa  dapat mag saya lalu na ngayon I have sex with the same person again but this time safe sex na. I know na tanga ako kasi pinapabayaan kong makuha nya ako for granted pero last nayon. Kinakabahan ako ngayon kasi what if the next test positive na? August pa ang next test ko 6 months away since my last test, honestly sobrang natatakot na ako especiallly ngaun na hindi pala safe ang ex ko. Any advice? 

Thank you so much!

TRANSLATION:


I’m 20 and a graduate of BSHRM. I was amazed by the stories I read in your blog. I was moved and kinda scared about the things I found out.

So to make the story short I had this ex boyfriend for just 3 months and I gave him everything (a bit stupid only). Everything went well until the day i found out that I was just being used as replacement for somebody. Yes we had sex to be specific it was unsafe sex for 2 months in a weekly basis. After we broke up yes and still bitter and loves him I still engaged into sex around twice and later on i realized that we were not safe and then after no more communication. I became close to his family and of course they were looking for me and his cousin was one of my closest friend. There was a day that I went to his cousin’s house (my ex was her neighbor) so we saw each other again, talked and had sex (unsafe) again. Since that day I realized that I may have HIV so I took the courage to take the test. It was just 1 week after the last engagement when I took the test and the result came out the following day. The night before the result came out I was frustrated with all the thoughts like what if I am positive? Will I die? Will I still reach all my dreams? The result came up the next morning and i was blessed. NONREACTIVE was the result but I have to retake the test after 6 months that why there is no need to celebrate yet especially now that I have sex with the same person again but this time safe sex. I know that I was stupid for allowing him to take advantage of me but that will be the last. I am scared because what if the next test it positive already? August will be my next test which is 6 months away since my last test. Honestly I am so scared especially now that my ex is not safe. Any advice? 

Thank you so much!



POZZIEPINOY’S RESPONSE


Hi.

Thank you for your email. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

 Don't blame yourself anymore. Stop looking at the past. What you need to do now is to stand up, brush the dirt off you and learn from everything. I understand your feelings but like what they always say:  "the brain is so placed above the heart". The next time you fall in love again, you need to think and value yourself first.

 I am glad that you got proactive in taking the test. For now, just enjoy your being non reactive! While waiting for the next test, if you still have feelings for your ex partner, why don't you tell him to take the test too. This is a win-win situation as you get to help him to know his HIV status at the same lessens your burden of worrying about your own.

 I hope I was able to answer your concerns. Feel free to email me again if you have other questions.


Stay healthy,
Pozziepinoy





"WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER.
NO PLHIV is alone with his or her struggle with HIV!"

-Pozziepinoy-



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