Email 294: Oral, Anal Sex and Disclosure to Partner

Posted by Pozziepinoy on 9:25 AM

Hi Pozziepinoy,
                
Good morning!

 Your blog is such a winner when it comes to giving advices on PLHIVs like us. I sent you emails before and I was diagnosed with HIV last February.  However, due to some curiosity, I have few questions about safe sex and how safe will it become in my case.  I would like to enumerate them below.


1.        I understand that, it is risky if for example you blow someone you’re not sure of his HIV status especially if that blower has cuts or sores on the mouth which will be an entrance for the virus but what if the one who blows has HIV instead?  Will it have issues or will it transmit the virus to the one being blown provided that there are no condoms?
2.       For anal sex, if the receiver has HIV and the giver too, is it safe to say that wearing condoms would make no sense at all since both of them have the virus?  I was told by one officer here in City Health that it is too risky as you are only multiplying the number of virus in the body.  Is it accurate?
3.       In kissing, will an HIV infected person be able to transmit the virus if for example he has cuts in his tongue or some sore on gums? I am not saying that I have sores though, my gums has been healthy lately that the dentist was able to tell whether or not I am taking vitamin C.
4.       During anal sex, though there is condom used, is it possible that the virus can be transmitted through the perineum, if for example the lube used actually dripped down?

 I am asking all these questions because  recently just found a guy whose very nice and I don’t want to destroy his future.  Much as I really wanted to, I can’t and will not forgive myself if something bad happens to him.  He’s been asking me to give him what he wants, he even said that I am only good to others and not on him but I am just as afraid as anybody who doesn’t want to destroy their partner’s lives.  He even talked about having fear of getting this disease and it was sort of a big slap in my face and I realized how he takes care of himself.

 Yet, here I am in front of him sometimes, lying my true status of which I will never tell in the first place.  I always practice safe sex and those questions 1 and 3 were most concerns.  Please give me light on these.  More power to you and to TAG and for the rest of us.


XXX

POZZIEPINOY’S RESPONSE


Hi XXX.

Thank you for your email. Once again, thank you for the kind words about the blog. I don't know about being a "winner" but still thank you although I do believe that I am just trying to do a job to help others with HIV or help people become aware about HIV, the HIV test and HIV treatment. Like what my psychologist friend has told me, sometimes we wonder why bad things happen to all of us but looking closely, one will find the real answer. I myself never thought that I would be doing thing but I found my niche in life. Blogging and assisting others have given a new meaning to my life. This is my silver lining.

Now regarding your questions, let us me answer them in the order that you asked them.

First, it is a fact that oral sex has very minimal chance of transmitting the virus, unless of course there are mouth sores or wounds in the mouth that will serve as port of entry for the virus. In your question wherein the PLHIV is the one who is giving "head" to the non HIV person, there is almost no chance for the virus to be transmitted to the other person as the virus is not transferrable through the saliva. Even if the PLHIV has mouth sores, there is very minimal chance for the blood to enter if there is no wound in a non HIV person. 

Second, It is IMPERATIVE to wear a condom or use any kind of protection during anal sex between two PLHIV's. The reason for this is that HIV has different strains and one may have a different strain than the other person which may complicate ARV treatment. If everybody has the same strain of HIV, then all ARV's will be the same for everyone and our doctors won't play with the different cocktails anymore. If you observe it, some ARV's react faster in some PLHIV's than with others as seen in the viral load test because for one, the ARV's ability to interact with a specific strain of virus. Also, some strains react to only the first line treatment and some strains react well to only the second line. So what if you have both strains? What if you got a strain that is non responsive to both the first or second line? I was told also before by my previous infectious disease doctor that the strength of the strain of HIV in the Philippines is generally weaker that those in other countries that is why, generally speaking, the strains here respond well to the first line regimen.

 Third, kissing can't transmit the virus even if the PLHIV has mouth sores. Like what I have been telling people in the blog, even if there is infected blood or semen inside a recipients mouth, the virus can't be transmitted if there is no open wound or mouth sores inside the body of the recipient. Thus oral sex, per se has very minimal chance of getting the virus.

 Fourth, of course even with condom use, the semen or any vaginal secretion can go to the perineum but like what I said unless there is an open wound, there is nothing to worry about.

 Lastly, although it was not a question that you raised, I am still bothered by you not telling your sex partner about your status. I understand your predicament but I am not in the position to tell you what to do with your relationship. But if you would ask my honest opinion, he has the right to know! 

 In other countries and in some states in the US , it is a CRIME or a felony not to tell your HIV status to a sexual partner prior to a sexual activity. Our HIV Law is relatively weak when it comes to that so it boils down to you being responsible to your sexual partner (and possible life partner). In your case, by telling him your HIV status, it will give him chance to decide on his own if he wants to pursue this or not, and to decide what precautionary measures he has to take in order to protect himself from getting the virus from you or to protect you from transmitting any kind of infection from him. 

 If you really like this person or possible to even love this person, you should start being truthful to him. Like what I said, I am in no position to tell you what to do but if I were in your shoes, I would definitely tell him my HIV status and let him decide on his own if he wants to pursue this relationship, whether sexual or personal, any further.
I hope I was able to answer your concerns. Feel free to email me again if you have other questions.


Stay healthy,
Pozziepinoy




"WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER.
NO PLHIV is alone with his or her struggle with HIV!"

-Pozziepinoy-



If you have comments or questions, please click this link:






© Copyright. All Rights Reserved by Pozziepinoy 2012

Credits: