Email 436: There is A BRIGHT FUTURE! ~ Living with HIV in the Philippines

Email 436: There is A BRIGHT FUTURE!

Posted by Pozziepinoy on 6:59 AM

Good Day Pozzie!

I am Diagnose HIV positive diagnose last year november. Lahat ng pangarap ko gumuho pati yung mkapag work sa ibang bansa parang nawala na rin. I am a professional 23 years old. Lahat ng family ko nasa ibang bansa sa middle east ako nlang ang natitira dito sa pinas, Gusto na nila ako kunin para don na mag work pero panay ang tangi ko sa knla dame ko dahilan na ayaw ko, kc alam ko pag pumayag ako malalaman nila at ma dedeport din ako pag nag work na ako don at makulong pa. Wala pa kc nkaka alam sa family ko kaht sa frend ko. alam ko mallaman din nila pero sa ngaun dko pa kaya.

Sa tuwing naiicp ko tong sakit ko parang nwwlan na talaga ako ng pag asa, feeling ko mamamatay din ako soon at dko na mggwa yung mga pangarap ko na makatulong sa family ko. Pati yung pag aasawa ko iniicip ko, kung paano ako mkkpag asawa tpos mahahawa ko ang asawa ko at yung magiging anak ko, nangyayari ba yun na hindi mo nahhawa ang asawa mo?and I was always searching for a job for my profession pero lahat ay puro UAE, KSA, QATAR at somewhere in middle east na my restriction sa hiv positive.

Need ko advice kung my chance pa ako mkapag work abroad? Kung lahat ba ng Hiv positive ay nahahawa ang magiging asawa or my chance din na hndi? kwento kc skin ni Sir Bernard ng SocialHygienic Manila na yung HIV positive na momy ay hindi daw nahawa yung mga anak nya at asawa.

Thank you pozzie!

Regards,
XXX

TRANSLATION

Good day Pozzie.

I am diagnosed HIV positive lat November last year. All my dreams were crushed even my dream of working abroad. I am a professional 23 year old. My entire family is in the middle east and I am the only one here in the Philippines. They want to petition for me to work there but I keep on rejecting the idea saying that I don't like it there, because I know that if I agree, then they will all find out and I will be deported when I work there and be put in jail. Nobody in my family not even my friends know about my status. I know they will find out but I am not ready yet.

Every time that I think of my disease, I lose hope. I feel that I will die soon and I won't be able to do all the things to help my family. I even think that it is hard to get married, that I might get my wife and my kids infected. Does it happen that an HIV positive not infecting his wife and kids? I am always searching for a job for my profession but everything is in UAE, KSA, Qatar or somewhere in the middle east that has restriction for HIV positive.

I need advice if there is a chance for me to work abroad. If all HIV positives can infect their wives or is there a chance that they won't? I was told by Sir Bernard of the Social Hygiene Clinic in Manila that the HIV mommy can't infect the baby and her husband.

Thank you pozzie.

Regards,
XXX

POZZIEPINOY’S RESPONSE

Hi XXX.

Thank you for your email. Thank you for sharing your story and concerns.

I know you are faced with a tough scenario. One, not knowing what and how to tell your family about your condition as you are being asked to moved to a country where PLHIV's are banned to work. Second, your feeling that all your dreams of working abroad has been crushed. Third, that you lost the chance of getting married as you are now scared to transmit your virus to your future partner and kids.

I understand the complications of your situation but let me open up your mind to all the possible things that you can do. I listed below some points and tips that you can do.

A. On Rejecting to Move Abroad

1. If you are not ready to tell your family about your condition, then just move on. Don't be pressured on doing something because you are required to do it. Take your time. I know that someday they will learn about your condition, but it is important that you yourself have accepted it first. Once you are already strong emotionally and mentally prepared, then start delivering the message. You can start off with some siblings, or with one friend. Talking helps and by talking to a few people that you love, will make it easy for you to talk to the rest.

2. It is a fact that it would be hard for you to move to the middle east for work as PLHIV's are banned from working there. In your case, you won't experience the deportation and accosting of police there because for you to have a working visa in the first place, you have to be subjected to the HIV test while you are still here. For now, maybe cross out the idea of moving to countries where HIV is banned and search for other countries where discrimination is not allowed.

3. Another tip is why focus on working abroad when you can still be productive here. What you have to show your family is you are successful here and making enough money that they won't have to worry about you. You are already 23 years old and you can make your decisions. Now it is up to you if you want to be pressured by your family or start being successful while you are here.

B. On Thinking that All your Dreams of Working Abroad Has Been Crushed

1. There are still countries that allow PLHIV's to have working visas. All you have to do is to check out POEA or woking visa requirements per country that you are interested to work in.

2. Some countries though won't allow PLHIV's because they don't want their governments to shoulder the cost of your health care, so check on that point too.

3. In a country wherein there is no discrimination for PLHIV's but asks you how you would take care of your health care (of course you have to disclose your HIV status first), you can tell them that the Philippines will take care of your ARV's for that matter. I have assisted some who have cases like this and a letter from the hub addressed to the government of a certain country stating how the hub will send their ARV's to the PLHIV's. Those people who I have assisted are still working there with their visas renewed and their hubs send through courier their ARV's or they come back to the Philippines every year to get a refill of their ARV's.

4. The world is changing. The world is now more accepting. Even gay marriage is becoming legal in most countries and is spreading like wild fire. Sooner or later, these governments will change their laws and won't discriminate against PLHIV's too. It is just a matter of time. But while everybody is waiting, start living your life and be productive now!

C. On Losing the Chance of Getting Married

1. You CAN still get married. The thing is if you love somebody, then you have to disclose everything to him or her your HIV status. True love is accepting who you are, even your HIV status.

2. Your partner can't get it unless you have unprotected sex. Education is very important here and if the person really loves you, then he or she is willing to learn to enjoy sex even with protection.

3. It is a case to case basis wherein the baby doesn't get it from the mom. In other words, there are cases wherein the baby gets it and there are cases that the baby won't. However, if planning for a baby of your own, best is to coordinate with your HIV doctor first. I am in no position to tell you the risks, but having a full coordination with the doctor is the best advice I can give when it comes to this matter. I have assisted a married couple wherein the mom has it and got a late diagnosis while she was having a baby. Her HIV doctor really focused later on, on the baby and monitored the baby's health. There is a protocol for this and only your HIV doctor will know.

4. Adoption is an alternative. There are already a lot of babies being abandoned in the whole world and these babies also need a family to love and to take care of them. It is an option that you can take.

It is not the end of the world for you!

I know that now, it seems that the whole world is collapsing before your eyes. If I were you, don't feed your brain with all negativities, but instead change your perspective and be optimistic. I know it is hard but try these simple steps.

Starting today, try to change your perspective in life by facing the mirror and say with conviction that :

1. You are HIV positive and you WILL live your life to the fullest.

2. It is not the end of the world for you. Life is full of surprises and even with HIV, YOU CAN be productive and SUCCESSFUL!

3. You will have a perfect job either here or in some other country wherein HIV is fully accepted! It may not be today but sometime in the future!

4. Your family and people you love need to know and accept your situation. You have to take a step and a day at a time. You will slowly disclose to one person who you love, either a sibling, a parent or a friend your health status. No more pretentious. Your family loves you.

5. YOU CAN get married to a person who is loving, caring and accepting of your HIV status.

6. YOU CAN have children and a family some day!

"Life is a box of chocolates. You don't know what you're gonna get.", says one movie. Let life surprise you from now on. The beauty of life is that it is a never ending journey and each step of the way, towards the fulfilment of all dreams, is that firm hope that everything is going to be perfect just the way you planned it to be, someday!

I hope I was able to answer your concerns. Feel free to email me again if you have other questions.

Stay healthy,

Pozziepinoy