Email 447: Dark Angel's Concerns ~ Living with HIV in the Philippines

Monday, July 15, 2013

Email 447: Dark Angel's Concerns

Posted by Pozziepinoy on 6:32 PM

Hi Pozzie,itago mo na lang sa pangalan dark angel, working here in abroad. I have loving and very supportive family and boyfriend nasa nasa abroad din and parang lahat ng yun mawawala sakin ng isang iglap lang dahil sa katangan ko.

Pozzie, im so depress and scared di ko ang gagawin ko.im just new at my work right now,kc kakaresign ko lang previous company ko. and bago ako mabigyan ng residence visa I need to take medical and now I have sore throat, thrush and sweat at night sobrang ntatakot ako at wala ako mapagsabihan at di ko na alam gagawin ko..gusto ko ng umuwi ng pinas pero how can will I tell to my family na kasama ko din dito.umiiyak na lang ako
sa daan at nagdadasal k lord.

I really don't know what to do,i don't wanna die ...but when I found out your blog parang gumaan pakiramdam ko.please help me.

thank you!

TRANSLATION

Hi Pozzie.

Just hide me under the name of Dark Angel and I am working here abroad. I a have a loving and very supportive family and boyfriend who are also abroad and I feel that I will lose everything in one instance because of my stupidity.

Pozzie, I am so depressed and scared and I don't know what to do. I am just new at my work right now as I just barely resigned from my previous company. Also, before I will be given a residency VISA, I need to take a medical but right now I have sore throat, thrush and night sweats. I am so scared now and I don't have anybody to tell this to as I don't know what to do. I want to come home to the Philippines, but how can I tell my family who are with me here. I always cry in the streets and keeps on praying to the LOrd.

I really don't know what to do. I don't want to die, but when I found out about your blog, I feel somehow relieved. PLease help me.

Thank you.

POZZIEPINOY’S RESPONSE

Hi Dark Angel.

Thank you for your email. Thank you for sharing your concerns with us.

I know that it is hard for you to think straight because of all your fears and your concern. But let me tell you this, you need to hold up your head high and tell yourself that you need to fight and face the truth. As you said, you have a very supportive and loving family and bf so just start from there. You can take one step at a time by:

1. First, accept the fact that you need to get tested

2. Second, you need your family and partner by your side as you go through this

Everybody makes mistakes. You may have done some things before that now you are regretting, but still everything is up in the air. You still don't know your status and the only way for you to know if you are HIV positive is by taking the HIV test.

Let me give you some steps that you can take:

1. Start accepting that you have a problem.

2. Start accepting that you need someone to talk to especially family members, friends or your boyfriend. You can share your concern first with one loved one, then the rest will be easy. Trust me, talking helps a lot especially to people who loves you and you care about. You are not alone. You are lucky that you have a very supportive and loving family and partner, so start with them.

3. You can get your HIV Test either:

a. here in the Philippines. That means you have to come back home first

b. Or wait for your medical. If you are in a country that is sensitive to HIV workers, then you might as well not take it there and just come home.

4. Get medical help now for your symptoms. While you still haven't decided where you are taking your HIV test, quickly get an advice from an infectious disease doctor while you are there. They might speculate, but as long as you haven't taken your HIV test there yet, then they won't know.

I know how you feel. But you need to fight. Regretting won't help but just focus on the things that you can control which are, making your self healthy by knowing whats wrong with you, and by being proactive and start planning on the steps that you need to take.

I hope I was able to answer your concerns. Feel free to email me again if you have other questions.

Stay healthy,

Pozziepinoy