Email 532: Best Friend Maybe Spreading HIV

Posted by Pozziepinoy on 5:26 PM

Hello, 

First i just want to request not to disclose my email address to anyone pls. 

My ex bf who turned to be my best friend now is an hiv positive. Nung kami pa nalaman k by accident na positive xa, 1.5 months na kami noon cguro dahil sa love tinanggap k pa din xa noon. 

Im a pure top but were having sex almost evryday for 1.5 months. But for another reason nagbreak kami nung june, we became bestfriends and i tried avoiding having sex wd him.

I had my check up s ritm july 3 2013. Negative aq but i understand na its possible nga na mag positive after 6 months. So pinanghawakan ko pa din ung result na un as advised din nung conselor ko, so from then i've practised safe sex. I can say though n im ready whatever the result after 6 months and im not gonna be angry with my ex. So as early as now so far tanggap ko na pero im still praying na magging negative pa din. 

So my ex had a new bf after few days of breaking up pro nagbreak na din sila 2 days ago for some reasons and then kagabi meron n nmn xang kameet and 1 hour ago nagtext xa na sila na daw. 


XXX stud daw ung guy na un. Hindi aq nagkulang ng advise s best friend ko about being responsible in short ayokong may magaya sakin na possibleng maging positive after 6 months. Pero knowing him andun pa rin yung doubt ko. Ngaun, as a person parang nakakakonsenxang hayaan mong mahawa ung isang tao. Kasi nung naging kami never xang nagsabi na magcondom eh, alam niyang positive xa aq ndi ko nmn alam, meaning ndi xa responsible at kung hindi ko pa accidentally nalaman baka hanggang ngaun ndi ko pa alam. 23 daw ung new bf nia 2 years younger than us. As much as possible ayokong manghimasok sa relasyon ng may relasyon and sabi k nga sa frend ko i always wish for his happiness. 

Advise pls? its really a tough situation i cant open this issue with our frends kasi ndi nila alam ang gantong nangyayari samin. And its a sensitive issue. Im hoping you could email me back as soon as possible. Thanks a lot

TRANSLATION


Hello. 

First I just want to request not to disclose my email address to anyone please.

My ex bf who turned to be my best friend now is an HIV positive. I found this out by accident when we were still together. We were already 1.5 months then but I still accepted him because I was in love with him.

Im a pure top but we were having sex almost everyday for 1.5 months. But for another reason we broke up last June, and then we became best friends and I tried avoiding having sex with him. 

I had my check up in RITM last July 3, 2013. I was negative but i understand that it’s still possible to turn out positive after 6 months. So I am still holding on to the result as advised by my counselor ko and so from then on I've practiced safe sex. I can say though that I’m ready whatever the result will be after 6 months and I’m not gonna be angry with my ex. So as early as now so far I already accepted it but I’m still praying that it will turn out to be negative. 

So my ex had a new bf after few days of breaking up but they broke up 2 days ago for some reasons and then last night he had another meet up and an hour ago they have been texting. 

He said that the guy is a XXX student. I always advise my best friend about being responsible in short, I don’t want that another person will be like me who might turn out to be positive after 6 months. But knowing him I still have doubts. Now, as a person, I feel bad and my conscience is bothering me to let this happen. Because when we were together, never did he say to use a condom, even though he knew that he was positive which I didn’t know, meaning he wasn’t responsible and if I didn’t accidentally find out, then up to now, I won’t be able to know.  His new bf is only 23 and 2 years younger than us. As much as possible I don’t want to interfere with their relationship and I told him that I always wish for his happiness. 

Advise pls? It’s really a tough situation I can’t open this issue with our friends because they don’t know that this is happening to us. And its a sensitive issue. Im hoping you could email me back as soon as possible. Thanks a lot


POZZIEPINOY’S RESPONSE


Hi.

Thank you for your email. Thank you for your concerns.

It is really a sensitive issue. It is really a difficult matter to discuss. However, I can still give you pointers on what you can do.

1. You need to talk to him about this over and over again. He needs to understand that having unprotected sex with another person may:

     a. transmit HIV to others or,
     b. he may get another strain of HIV which will complicated his treatment

*If he is your best friend, he would listen to you.

2. I do believe that your accepting it easily because you loved him made it worse for him. Maybe he believed that the rest are like you, who will accept him, even though he is spreading the disease, because of love. I know it is the right thing to do, accepting someone you love, but accepting that he is doing it again to others, and may compromise somebody else's health, is a different thing. You need to get mad. You need to interfere and educate him on the consequences. 

*If he really is your best friend, he would listen to you.

3. Of course you may always give him condoms or remind him to always wear condoms but like what you said you have doubts about it. Maybe you need to talk to him and ask him directly if his partner knows that he is HIV positive. If he says that the new bf knows then you can talk to the new boyfriend to use protection too. 

*If he is really your best friend then he wouldn't mind at all.

4. If in case your best friend tells you that his partner doesn't know yet, and still they are having sex, you need to interfere. You are his best friend. You need to know what is good or bad for him and for others. That is your responsibility.

*If he respects you as a best friend, he would listen to you.

5. You can talk to him and convince him to talk to an HIV counsellor or an infectious disease doctor. You can also ask the partner to come with him. Tell him (them) that you are concerned and he (they) need(s) to value love and respect with other people as well. 

If he truly is your best friend, then he would come with you.

Now the question is, what if he won't listen? Then ask yourself what is the purpose of you being there with him when right in front of your face, you can't abhor what he is doing, of possibly spreading an incurable disease to innocent and unknowing people. How can you value and love a friend when at night you are bothered by your conscience.

Accepting a person would mean a different thing here. You can only accept the virus that he has, his life with HIV, but you CAN NOT accept what he is doing to others. You have to be firm about this and if he won't listen still, and still opt to do what he wants then, rethink about your friendship. You don't want to be an "accomplice" by being a passive audience to an act that is as terrible as this. He needs to value people and he needs to value your friendship as well.

You may be a good friend to him and wants him to be happy, but he needs to be a good friend to you by listening to your concerns. Tell him that his happiness now won't last if he will be putting another life in danger. Tell him that people are trusting their lives to him and he needs to respect that. Tell him that the true meaning of love is trust and respect and needs to value these in order to have a meaningful life.

If you really love your friend and you regard him as your real best friend, then you need to act now. You need to interfere. You may save someone else's life and have a clear conscience, and save a friendship.

I hope I was able to answer your concerns. Feel free to email me again if you have other questions.


Stay healthy,
Pozziepinoy


"WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER.
NO PLHIV is alone with his or her struggle with HIV!"

-Pozziepinoy-



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